Which I am okay with, it was only a couple days.
I’m not going to be hard on myself for it because i’ve been going through some hurting lately and have just had a hard time dealing with it. I get attached to people, especially when I have very unique connections with them. They mean the world to me and when that gets taken away it’s very hard for me to muddle through. Yeah I will get over it of course but it still sucks.
I had a schedule and things to expect and a life I felt I was living and a future, oh boy a future.
Something to look forward to! Someone to plan an adventure with, not just one adventure but many. A companion, someone to talk to! Or not talk to and just have around. Now I am just left standing here…empty. Kind of in a daze. What did the last few months mean? What just happened?! How could I be left again? Why does everyone leave me? What am I doing wrong?
I have so many questions and I keep wondering what I am missing out on. Tears keep springing up in my eyes.
Than I think it was only a few months…Why am I so upset over just a few months? Well I had this great connection with someone who when I looked them in the eye my heart warmed and I couldn’t stop smiling. We have so much in common, the list goes on but that is no longer important. I wanted to grow old with this person and live a full life. Why does everything get yanked away from me? Why do I try my best and yet it’s still not good enough? When will I ever be good enough? No one ever sticks around and no one ever fights for me. What does that say about me as a person, I wear my heart on my sleeve I give and give and try my best…..maybe I don’t give as much as I think I do? I’m terrified that he will just move on, and I will be standing here left behind so alone, so…alone.
I don’t like the future ahead of my right now and it’s up to me to change that.
One foot in front of the other with Wyatt by my side.
Even though there is still a lump in my throat and a ache in my heart for the future I probably won’t get, with the most amazing person.
He also deserves love though, and it’s obviously not me anymore or maybe it is and he just doesnt know it.
I wish you the best.
What to do now?
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