I have daily affirmations that I make to myself upon rising from slumber each morning.
I will be a better person today.
I will shower and not look like a scrub.
I will be patient with my son.
I will eat healthy and make better choices.
I will exercise.
I usually accomplish a few things on this list. The showering…pretty much every day, some days I just can’t be bothered I have no one to impress what’s the point? I used to have a reason to want to shower every day and make myself presentable but that reason up and found someone else extremely fast without a backwards glance. What does that say about me and why am I revisiting this, WHY am I letting it bother me so much?
Wyatt and I had a good thing going. I had just started to get past the anxiety of being by myself with him. The thought of my mom leaving no longer sent me into crying fits and panic {Side note: Proper pain management was also key}.
Ohhh the panic that surrounded me and how much the thought of her not being around scared the bejeezus out of me. I couldn’t even think about it or I would end up crying big fat scaredy cat tears. I spent seven days in the hospital, SEVEN! That really threw me for a loop in more ways than one. Hindsight I wish I had done a home birth in a quiet atmosphere not filled with doctors in training, despite the nurses being wonderful I wish I could have just labored at home in peace without medicine. However it is all just hindsight and I can only move forwards in this life.
So we had a little routine going and I was focusing on the positive, flying out to Colorado was really empowering minus a few hiccups along the road and not without some tears on both our parts getting to our destination. I was a single mom, i still am a single mom and that was okay.
*insert brief (mentioned above) relationship here*
and that brings us to the now. I am finishing up classes, becoming a master seamstress, and loving being a mom.
Every day is not without it’s challenges and if you are still reading after that verbal mess I applaud you and thank you for sticking around.
06/02/2011 at 9:42 pm Permalink
haha–your comment was funny. no jasper really does eat alllll dayyyy lonnnggg. i’m glad to find your blog. i will be a new follower.
08/02/2011 at 4:39 am Permalink
without knowing your birth story, since you were hospitalized for a week would it have been possible for you to birth at home or a non-medical center? sorry if that question is too personal.