Wyatt Burps

I have a very small nuclear family. It is just Wyatt, the cats and myself. I have one friend around here in town and two awesome super busy friends, who live in the same state but for all intensive purposes could be states away. Which I love these friends to death but never see them (Also one never answers her phone *AHEM*). However I spend most of my days alone, yes I am with my son. Yes he is the light of my life, he always will be. I have a playgroup I can go to on Thursdays but have just been to nervous to go. I know it will benefit Wyatt more than myself and it’s completely selfish. We will go eventually, I just need to get over myself.

This does not mean that I do not crave adult interaction. Everyone I know has families and partners. Where does this leave me? Well it leaves me with friends that live in my phone. I am starting to feel like I am glued to it all the time and not seeing what is right in front of me. This feels a little bleak as there is just loneliness and not much else going for me. Changing this mindset for me is really hard. I need to imagine that I will have more friends; that I am confident and awesome. I love the people I message, but they have their own busy lives to attend to and me bothering them is getting old.

I’ve been doing a lot of hard thinking as to why I would like to leave the East Coast. What is drawing me away from here and making me want to escape? Is it the never ending loneliness I feel? Is it that I feel like I can escape my problems by just moving out of state? I don’t think I am going to dupe myself into thinking that all my problems or loneliness will be solved by moving out of Maine. It could very well be the exact opposite. I visited where I would like to move to and felt at home there.

Maybe it was just culture shock, how different the roads were, the stop lights were different, they don’t have my grocery store there either. Even though it is the same country, it was so very different. I missed the hills of New England, I missed my cats, I missed how everything is a shade of green. While I was out west I noticed the color palette is very much…brown. The roads are laid out in grids, there is no winding, pot hole filled road to wander down on a cool New England summer evening, or a bonfire by the ocean out west.

I moved out of the house after high school and had no misgivings about how far away I was. I was spreading my wings; first moving an hour away, then three hours away, and back to two hours. I don’t even want to know how many hours away I’d be if I moved. I would like a new life experience for Baby Bear and myself. I am confident that we will be okay and that things will work out for the best.

However I still want to end up in New England, near my family and the ocean.

Please tell me I can do this?

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