Being a single mom is scary yet rewarding. My son and I are a team; He is the yin and I am the yang. The cheese to my wine, the peanut butter to my jelly. I love his zest for life and he loves me just for me (But maybe a little more at snack time). I am honored to be his mother and wake up every day to his smile and squeals. Tonight Baby Bear and I spent time cuddling trying to get him to sleep. To him life is just one big game of fun. I wish I could keep it that way for him and forever protect his heart; shielding it from harm. Snuggling with him just warms my heart and soul, He loves to crawl and throw himself into the pillows waiting for me to come tickle him. After all the laughs he usually ends up with a body part trying to crawl back into where he came out of.
Right now we are in a really tough position and do not have much financially. I am working on figuring out ways to better our family but it has not been easy for me. My ultimate goal is to buy a small piece of land to build a tiny house with a garden. I’d build canoes and live in peace. I might even get a goat or two. But right now that is unattainable and perhaps unrealistic. I need a job where I can stay with my son, but where is the start up money for that? Sewing is okay if you have the right market and product. Screen printing could work well if you combine the two together as you can make some really unique products. I am really frustrated that I feel like I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing.
I’ve never spent the night away from my baby. I am thinking about going to nursing school which will require time away from him for hours during the day. The thought of this makes my heart hurt in so many different ways that I don’t like contemplating about it at all. I am tired of sugar coating things, I don’t like where my life is right now and I want to better ourselves. I always say well things suck right now but hey look pretty things! Honestly though, right now things just suck… plain and simple. Where do I go from here? How do I pull a rabbit out of my hat and turn it into money? How do I I get so overwhelmed from all of it that I just shut down and give up. I’m working on coping strategies to better myself for my son and I. Which is all I can really offer right now.
I would like to add that I love every second I spend with my son even when we are both frustrated. I am mostly angry at myself for not succeeding where I thought I would, I do not feel like I am a failure as a mother but I do feel like I am a failure to myself for not being successful in other areas of life. Life is a series of events for good or bad that change your course forever. It is winding, steep, thrilling, disappointing, heart wrenching and precarious at times but always there is always an opportunity to start anew. A chance to find a better road to follow down.
20/08/2011 at 4:44 am Permalink
If you have the chance and desire to go to nursing school, you should do it. Once you have your RN, you can literally find a job anywhere. I work with nurses every day, and those who love it, really love it. And even if you’re not suited to patient care, you can go into quality management, utilization or case management. I would definitely say talk to some nurses and see if you think your aptitude fits.
20/08/2011 at 4:51 am Permalink
I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I have been a single mama and it’s very hard and overwhelming. I like all your ideas, even the nursing one which I can tell you are not thrilled by because you don’t want to be away from your little guy. But you know what, he will be just fine. He will be. Hang in there.
22/08/2011 at 3:25 am Permalink
gei your ass to nursing school
22/08/2011 at 5:30 am Permalink
I am going to school right now and the semester starts tomorrow. I’m almost done with my generals then I will be applying to nursing school. I will be away from LijahBear 3 times a week for a few hours. It sucks but I know I am bettering myself by planning to be better able to provide for him and my other kids in the future. I can’t afford much right now so I can’t wait until I’m done with school. It will still be another 2 1/2 years before I’m completely done. It’s hard to be away from them at first but the 2nd day is easier than the 1st, the 3rd easier than the 2nd, etc. It will also benefit him too. It will get him used to being away from you for little bits of time here and there. He will thank you in the future that you did this for him. For him to have the life you know you want for him and will be able to give to him with a better career. Plus, many schools give you the benefit and convenience of taking classes online. You won’t be able to take your Biology, Anatomy & Physiology, or Microbiology (or whatever science classes you are required to take) completely online because you will have to have on-campus labs but I’ve taken many, many classes online because I couldn’t afford day are and it didn’t always fit into my schedule with 4 kids and simply because I didn’t want to be away from the kids that much. I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you to find comfort in knowing that you’re doing this for your bear.
24/08/2011 at 2:04 pm Permalink
Same boat sister. Saaaame boat. I’ve been applying like crazy to preschools and learning centers. Have you tried that route? I haven’t had any success, but it’s one of the only options I can think of. And then (like others mentioned) take online classes. Hope something works out for both of us.